Are you a member of the Catholic League? Is anyone?

Who, Greta asks -- speaking as a throughly inculcated Catholic -- is "the Catholic League" besides its omnipresent and ever-paranoid "spokesman" William Donohue? Anyone? Anybody? Ever met a member? Ever attended a meeting? Ever seen any evidence of its existence whatsoever besides Donohue's media-grabbing bitching about "anti-Catholic" movies, DVDs, TV shows, news stories, pamphlets, adverstisements, songs, schools, Web sites, clubs, catalogs, games, ski trips, fashion shows, deli menus, computer manuals, pet licenses, street signs, espresso machines, key cards and those little slips of paper you find inside fortune cookies? Who is this guy? And why oh why does the MSM insist on publicizing every dopey damn thing he says? Greta says, go away.

Brrreeeport better than sex, wealth, naked celebs & weight loss!

Go there! (Click on the post title above.) It's a massively cool techno-test thingie. I love the techs, the geeks, the dweebs and weenies -- all titles of honor now, have you noticed? -- all those guys and gals who know all there is to know about the secret magic mojo that make Web of net go choo-choo. Kisses all around, smart people!

I was kidding! Kidding!

That year-without-movies deal? Big fat lie. Ha! Who can go a year without seeing a movie? Unless you're in a coma. Or a Mennonite.

A year without movies

Circumstantially, it's now halfway through the second month of the year and Greta hasn't seen a single film. Not Capote, not Brokeback, not Munich. Now she's thinking about going all year this way. It would be an experiment. How much can you know, or say, about movies without actually seeing them? A lot, we think. You too?

Saffron, the spice of love

You can grow your own, you know. Not so cheap -- $2-0.65 per bulb, three threads per bulb -- but yeesh, the flavor. You like flavor? Me too. Tasty, tasty flavor of yellow, yellow, orange-red saffron -- kicks the average ass in unexpected ways. Not like peppers, say, but something sweet and scary and otherwordly. Jeez, I want me some saffron right now. Dammit. So. Buy some bulbs. Grow them. Pluck the threads, dry 'em out, put 'em in some hot water or hot milk or white wine or whater -- they need to bloom -- then cook the bejeezus out of 'em. You won't believe. Really. Rock on, cookers.

Nikke Finke, bitchy but high-larious

Okay, the woman is nuts. But she's pretty damn funny -- and remarkably right -- more often than not. Tom O'Neil needs a Xanax? BWAHHHH. And this about our beloved and revered George Clooney .. "Not even George Clooney spitting up spinal fluid can mitigate those Vanity Fair glamourpuss photos of him at the wheel of the speedboat he keeps at his Lake Como villa." ... just about made us spew all over the keyboard. So check it out, yeah?

Best bet for a new DVD purchase this month

If you're going to buy anything on DVD this month -- hell, this year -- you can't do any better than the full-tilt "Wallace and Gromit" set out on Tuesday (Feb. 7) with not only the hilarious and unbelievably action-packed clay animation epic "Curse of the Were-Rabbit," but also the three most charming (and equally action-packed) shorts that made Nick Park's reputation as the analog equivalent of Pixar's John Lasseter. Both of these guys are technical masters, each in his own milieu, but far more important to the success of their creations is their shared skill at spinning yarns. They love and respect their characters as much as they do the tools of their trade, and thus come up with immensely human stories in animated form. It's worth watching the shorts - A Grand Day Out, The Wrong Trousers and A Close Shave - before looking at the Were-Rabbit half of the two-disc DVD set just to immerse yourself in the Wallace and Gromit world. You'll better appreciate the rich panoply of background visual jokes in the feature after you've seen how they're used in the shorts.

Sundance winners 2006

Grand Jury Prize: Documentary God Grew Tired of Us, directed by Christopher Quinn Grand Jury Prize: Dramatic Quinceanera, written and directed by Wash Westmoreland and Richard Glatzer World Cinema Jury Prize: Documentary In the Pit (Mexico), written and directed by Juan Carlos Rulfo World Cinema Jury Prize: Dramatic 13 Tzameti (France), written and directed by Gela Babluani Audience Award: Documentary God Grew Tired of Us, a film directed by Christopher Quinn Audience Award: Dramatic Quinceanera, written and directed by Wash Westmoreland and Richard Glatzer World Cinema Audience Award De Nadie (Mexico), directed by Tin Dirdamal World Cinema Audience Award: Dramatic No. 2 (New Zealand), written and directed by Toa Fraser Documentary Directing Award James Longley, director of Iraq in Fragments Dramatic Directing Award Dito Montiel for A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints Excellence in Cinematography Award James Longley for Iraq In Fragments (Documentary Competition) Tom Richmond for Right At Your Door (Dramatic Competition) Documentary Film Editing Billy McMillin, Fiona Otway and James Longley, editors of Iraq in Fragments Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award Hilary Brougher for Stephanie Daley Special Jury Prize (Documentary) American Blackout, directed by Ian Inaba TV Junkie, directed by Michael Cain and Matt Radecki Special Jury Prizes (Dramatic) Best Ensemble Performance for A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints, directed by Dito Montiel and starring Robert Downey, Jr., Shia La Boeuf, Rosario Dawson, Chazz Palminteri, Dianne Wiest and Channing Tatum Special Jury Prizes (Dramatic) for Independent Vision In Between Days directed by So Yong Kim and written by So Yong Kim and Bradley Rust Gray Special Jury Prizes (World Cinema Documentary) Into Great Silence, written and directed by Philip Groening Dear Pyongyang, written and directed by Yonghi Yang Special Jury Prize (World Cinema Dramatic) Eve & The Fire Horse, written and directed by Julia Kwan Jury Prize in Short Filmmaking (tie) Bugcrush, directed by Carter Smith The Wraith Of Cobble Hill, directed by Adam Parrish King Jury Prize in International Short Filmmaking The Natural Route (Spain), directed by Alex Pastor Honorable Mentions in Short Filmmaking Before Dawn (Hungary), directed by Balint Kenyeres Preacher With An Unknown God, directed by Rob VanAlkemade Undressing My Mother (Ireland), directed by Ken Wardrop